Headless Man

 If you think your life is hard with your constantly hurting head, imagine living without it.

 This is a story about a normal, polite man like any other neighbor you might meet in the street, the only little difference is he happens to have a strange deformation. He simply doesn´t have a head of his own.

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 I hate how people always complain about everything. They can´t stand their jobs, their families annoy them, their love life sucks, their heads hurt. If they think it´s hard to live with your head nicely sited on your neck, imagine living without a head and feeling the hurt in whatever you decide to put on it´s place.

 I don´t really remember how I ended up like this. I mean, it isn´t that you meet a person without a head on a daily basic. Not like you come home after the first day of school and tell your parents how awesome those headless guys from the eight grade are. No, there are not many people like me, at least I haven´t met them yet. I don ´t know if I ever had my own head, but if I had, I probably lost it in the World War II because the first time woke up like this during the forties. I was in some dirty channel near the road, the one in which you can be very successful if you want to get a nice illness or meet favorable rat company. I was terrified, you can only imagine how horrible it was to figure out you can´t see, smell or hear, and all because you don´t have head. I didn´t get out of there for more than a week. I know that there are many horror movies and stories nowadays in which headless people are evil monsters that want to kill you. Those movies never deal with the problem of feeding those pore creatures. I hate those senseless movies. I know many of you will widely open your eyes which are nicely sunk into your head and ask; "Headless man needs to eat?" Yes, I do need food do survive. It´s not like I don´t have gizzard or something, I´m just headless. Naturally, I felt hunger after some time and since I had lots of time to think because rats do not talk much (yes, I can think even without a head), I figured it´s better to be headless than dead. I also came to the conclusion that you can manage to walk and everything just by feeling the vibrations in the air. However, I couldn´t just get out without a head. You wouldn´t believe how people can be curious about creatures without a head, of course those curious people have heads. To solve that, I put on a plastic bag I found in the channel. It perfectly covered my deformation.

 Forty years have passed since that strange day. You can guess I got pretty used to living without a head. In fact, if  had a head for 24 hours a day like normal people, I couldn´t stand it. It´s much easier to take it off from time to time and relax without anything hanging from your neck. 

 My life is quite similar to the lives of some other people, except I don´t have a permanent head. I do have a head which I got sometime in the fifties. Some dirty business, story for another time. It is strange because I´m pretty sure the head belonged to some thirty-years-old guy and my body is somewhere in the late forties, but I keep it in the good shape, so people usually don´t notice anything weird about it. It isn´t like I get in touch with the reast of the world often, I figured out that doesn´t work really well, but when I do, I must wear those high-neck shirts. Although I got used to controlling not-really-my-own-head, I´m not a professional and the skin where my head meets the rest of the body doesn´t look right; it´s always a bit bloody and stitches peep out, so I must hide my neck. Anyway, I must put on that head whenever I go out, and that´s almost every day because I do have a job. I clean the toilets of the beach nearby my truck. I live in a truck, you know, to escape all the unnecessary bills that come along with the apartment or a house. I clean those toilets. It isn´t the most fancy job in the world, but I get enough money to survive. You would be surprised to find out how much food a headless body requires. 

 When I get back to my truck, I usually take off my human head. It is exhausting to have a head. If you could take yours off, you´d understand me. Sometimes, during the Halloween time, I like to put pumpkin on my body and go around scaring people. Children love it. I might not be able to see, hear or smell them, but I feel all the vibrations in the air and I know what they are saying just by feeling the way their face changes and how they shape words with their mouth. I can see a bit and smell very well when I have my human head on, but I still can´t hear, so I pretend to be deaf, which isn´t far away from truth.

 It was friday night and I entered my truck. My home. It isn´t anything special. You see, must of the money I don´t spend on food I use to buy records. I love Rolling Stones. No, I still can´t hear the music, but so didn´t Beethoven, right? You can conclude that after forty years of collecting, my truck is full of CDs and records. I have a nice radio and a gramophone. I have one wooden chair and a couch which also becomes my bed when I want to rest. I have a wardrobe and a small kitchen-not-kitchen with a sink, microwave and a gas plate. I use the public toilet and a shower outside my truck. You can imagine that it isn´t nice to wash yourself during the winter.

 I was tired from work and dying for food. I took of my head and went to the small fridge for some food. It was empty. Horrible. Pure horror. I felt my stomach convulsing. I was very hungry. I decided to order a pizza. Now, how does a headless man that can´t talk order food? Well, he smartly uses tape on which a man who probably has a very nice head says: One cheese pizza, yes? After forty years of headless life, you learn some tricks like recording what people say on radio to order a pizza. I called a nearby pizzeria and ordered. It was easy. Now I just had to lay back and wait. 

 Soon, I felt knocking on the door. I got up to open. Luckily, I remembered on time that I don´t have head! It would take to much time to put on my human head, so I did what I did forty years ago; used a plastic bag. 

 The deliverer was a teenage boy and I could tell just by feeling his breath that he was surprised, maybe even scared by a man with a bag on his head. I reached for my pizza and took it. I showed him thumbs up. That seemed to calm him down a bit. I showed him to wait until I get my wallet. I knew my truck perfectly well and my wallet was always on the same place; in the kitchen tray. However, I couldn´t find it there. I looked for it with my hand. It wasn´t there. I didn´t look around twice when I came home, so I couldn´t tell if anything else was missing. Maybe someone broke in and took my money and... oh, no, my expensive records! Someone could have taken all of them.

 I felt the boy getting nervous. He was not scared anymore, he just wanted to leave, so he shouted something, probably "Where´s my money?" . I showed him with my hand to wait. I searched for some money, but I knew that I would not find anything. Not knowing what to do,  called the boy inside. He hesitated, but entered at last. I was still looking for money when I felt scream. Screaming causes frightening vibrations.

 Then something hit me.

 The boy did not hurt me, but he tried to. I turned to him and felt his hard breathing. Then he pulled the bag of my shoulders. Another terrifying scream and he was gone. He ran away.

 I left my head on the couch. That´s why he screamed.

 At that moment, and you must remember I was starving, I didn´t mind him leaving. I was broke, hungry and I just got free pizza. In my opinion, I got out of the tricky situation quite well. I put on that dumb head that scared the deliverer away and started eating which wasn´t an easy job since the head wasn´t mine, but I got used to it just like I got used to controlling eyes and mouth that weren´t my. I ate everything and fell asleep. I didn´t worry about the boy. No one would believe him what he saw. Headless man? No way. Anyway, he was stupid. I´d never hurt him. I wasn´t a monster, just didn´t have head-it could happen to anyone. I hate those idiotic horror movies and stories that filled children´s minds with dumb conclusions about headless people. Why would I hurt anyone? I just wanted my damn pizza.

 In the middle of the night, I was waken up by knocking on my door. I got up and opened and there they were, a police company. I never had trouble with police, not even while getting my head. They said they´re sorry, of course, for desturbing me during the night, but there´s been some report connected to me. I struggled with my wandering recently awakened eyes and nose that eagerly sniffed smell of the police car tires. I could never control my-not-so-my head right after waking up. Policeman didn´t seem to notice my strange behavior so he continued talking. He said something like „Young deliverer reported an attack somewhere near here. Do you know some lunatics around here?“

 It was obvious that I was the lunatic they were looking for, but the problem was I never attacked anyone. The boy told them lies; in fact, he attacked me. I felt insulted. Why is it always odd people must be evil? So what if I haven´t got head? Perhaps I´m not the only one! Perhaps headless people are the most polite, the most generous humans in the whole world, but just because we are a bit strange, we must be evil.

 Oh, well.

 I could have told them that it was all misunderstanding. I couldn´t find my wallet so I asked the kid to get in and he found my head. It was a mistake, he got freaked out, but hey, what can you do? After a hard day od work, a man must take his head off, right? If I told them that, they´d probably put me in some kind of asylum. Instead, I used the situation to note how I´ve been robbed. I took a piece of paper and a pencil and wrote: „Sorry, I´m deaf. There are no lunatics in the neighborhood, but I must tell you that my wallet disappeared. Maybe deliverer got into fight with a robber?“

 They examined my message and nodded. Yes, this might be the case, thank you for your help. Anyway, may we look around your truck for some evidences? I didn´t see why not, so I let them in, safe because there was no bodyless head anywhere to be found. Two men got in. One of them seemed pleased because of my record collection. The other one stood next to my couch. This is where I left pizza box.

-Was the deliverer here?

 Why lie? Yes, I nodded, careless. I took another piece of paper. „He was here, he was also young, but nothing happened. He just gave me pizza. It was a good pizza.“ I didn´t mention how he ran away without payment. It wasn´t my fault! It isn´t hard to live a headless life, but being headless and moneyless is the worst. Policeman didn´t seem convinced. He came closer to me. Noticing that I´m wearing high-neck shirt in the middle of the summer, he asked me if I´m cold. I wrote down that I have a cold. I felt trouble in the air. They suspected me. The air was tense a few more moments, but then the other policeman called his partner to leave. Perhaps it was just because he liked my records, but he seemed not to want me to be guilty. They were on the door saying how sorry they are for disturbing me, I nodded and smiled. Damn, I almost got out of it.

 Then – thread broke. One, two, three, all of them. Like a patched sock, my head separated from the neck and it felt. At first not completely. It pulled my body back. I tried to stop it from falling off with my hands, but it was too late. Both men looked at me freaked out, not able to move. Some blood sprayed from my neck, I struggled with my decreasing head. All of the threads were done and I was left with my head in my hands. I could not see policemen´s expressions, but I didn´t have to see them to know they were scared to death. I felt strange vibrations; one of them obviously used the phone to call for help. 

 Imagine spending forty years of peaceful headless life and then, in just one Friday night, screwing everything up.

 Yes. It isn´t nice.

 I started panicking and threw head away. It rolled on the floor, policeman screamed. Then I used all my strenght and rushed toward the two of them. I didn´t intend to hurt them, but they probably figured my gesture like I did, so they moved away and I continued running. I lost my feeling for the orientation, hit some trees, ended up on the road. I felt screams of the scared drivers. A car hit me, but I got up, probably broken ribs or something, but I didn´t care. Then I got to the downgrade, stumbled and fell like an angel falling from the sky. A headless angel.

 I fell in a lake or river, but the water was calm. Heavily breathing, I got up. I stood trying to figure out any movement around me. Everything was calm. Police hopefully lost their track of me, at least for now. Now, left alone, I felt kind of sad, but also angry. That kid saw my head, big deal, jumped to some dumb conclusions and tried to hit me. Then he ran away and told the police that I attacked him. The truth is I never landed my finger on him. It wasn´t fair at all, it was completely apsurd. I calmed down. It was unfair, but there wasn´t much I could do. I could go to the police station and explain that it was all one big mistake and that I´ m just a nice headless man ready to help solve this misunderstanding. Would  even get to explain them that of would they lock me before? 

 Without my truck, I couldn´t go anywhere long, so escaping wasn´t an easy settlement. I sat on the grass thinking what could I do next when I felt the change in the air. Someone was breathing close to me. Breath in, breath out, a person stood there looking at me...

-Who are you? Where´s your... head...?

 It was a silent, sweet vibration. Some kid, I suppose. Because of my situation, I didn´t consider that someone else might found me and ran to the police. I could run away, but I did not. I was tired and wanted to sleep, so I just stayed there.

-Are you alone?

 I shruged my shoulders. Why did this kid care? I really wished it to leave. Instead, the person got closer. And then... sat. Sat right next to me. And then poked me in the hand. I was confused.

-You shouldn´t be out alone so late. Some lunatic might find you and hurt you. Did you lose your head? Is it in the water? Do you need help?

 I could tell now that it was a girl, maybe ten or eleven years old, and surprisingly, I didn´t feel any fear in her voice, only curiosity. An inocent curiosity. I wanted to answer her, but hey, no mouth, no alk, so i shrugged again.

-Come with me.

 She took my hand and pulled it stronger than I expected. I had no goal of my own, so I followed her. She seemed to accept me and that is something no one ever did, not in this headless life. We walked silently, without speaking, she was very careful and whispered to me only when she saw another people coming. After some time, I felt the change in the air and a clock! when she closed the door.

-My parents are out – she said – so I´m alone. Before you say anything, I am old enough to be alone.

 I couldn´t speak against her. Really, no head, no talk. 

-Can you write?

 I gave her thumbs up. She went somewhere and I tried to manage moving with my hands extended. I hit a couch and fell on it. It was sudden, but comfortable, so I stayed in that position. I felt her laughing when she came back. She handed me paper and pencil. I practiced a lot, so I could write very well without eyes. I wrote: „My head didn´t fell in the water, I don´t know where my own head is, but the one I used is left in my truck. There´s police so I can´t go for it.“

-Are you some kind of criminal? – Now she sounded concerned.

 „No, it was all misunderstanding. I am a good headless man.“

 She laughed when she read it and told me I´ m funny, something nobody ever told me, so I felt pleased. She asked me if I´m hungry but then sighed and added that I can´t eat without mouth which I sadly confirmed with my thumb up.

-You know, I think people don´t like headless people. You are little creepy, you know. But don´t worry, I´ll get you a new head!

 I waved with my hands asking how.

-We´ll just borow one from a dead person. Graveyards are full of them, you know, and I don´t believe they need heads anymore!

 That sounded really morbid, especially considering it was coming from a little girl, but she wasn´t joking. Before I could protest, she was on her legs pulling like she did when she found me. This girl didn´t even told me her name, but she decided to find me a new head. I tried to pull her back, but she slapped my hand and told me that she´ll help me. Before we got away from house, I felt weird vibrations in the air and the next moment I felt something on my shoulders. It was harder than a bag, but easier than human head.

-Camouflage – she said and so we sneaked away. 

 When we got to the graveyard, she suddenly stopped moving. She shushed at me and told me to be quiet because the dead can´t stand noise. Her grandma told her that. Oh, and she was dead, of course. I kept hiting the gravestones. I felt the change in the air; morning was rising and that wasn´t good. My little friend moved quickly, but she never left me alone, even if I hit the grave and fell, she´d pull me back on my legs and continue sneaking. None of the graves seemed to appeal to her, she repeated no, too old, no, too young, no, this one must be really ugly, until we finally came to the grave before which she stood and said: „Perfect!“

 She found tools for digging, or she took it from the home, I didn´t want to think about it because it was way to weird even for a strange person like me. We dig out the coffin. Without hesitating, she broke it.

-It´s still fresh!

 In the beginning, I was curious why she wasn´t scared of me, but now I started to be scared of her. It was not okay to dig up other people´s graves and take their heads, even if they were still fresh, it definitely wasn´t something nice headless men do. While I was thinking about that, she did all the necessary work of chopping that man´s head, took of my camouflage and put the head on. I helped it to stay in it´s place with my hands, even if I did think this was way too much for me. She didn´t have threads, but she had some adhesive tape so she used it so make my head steady, my brand new head. I hid the tape and the rest of my neck with my shirt. The strange thing is, this head felt completely different than the one I carried on my neck for the last forty years. I could see much better an now I saw my little friend; she was tall for a little girl, her hair was blond and eyes blue and she had pink dress. She looked so normal I couldn´t believe what she just did. 

-I... Thank...Youuuu....

 I could speak! 

 Well, not very well, but it was something.

-It´s nothing! But we must get out of here. Look, the sun is rising!

 We got out of the graveyard. We didn´t have to hide now because I had a normal head where I used to have nothing or a horse mask-that´s what she used as a camouflage. I saw my reflection in the shop windows and I must say I never looked better. My hair was short and black, eyes blue and skin very strained. I had golden earrings and a tattoo at the back; a little sword which looked very mysterious. I liked it.

-If police is going for you, we must get out of the city!

-You... Can nooot...

-I will go with you and, before you say anything, I am old enough to travel where and with who I want to.

 I was scared of her, okay? I never met anyone so determined and morbid. If I hadn´t lost a really important change of moral in the world while I was eating pizza in my truck, little girls usually didn´t go to the graveyards on their own to dig up some bodies to help their headless friends get a new head. 

 She took me back to her home, but we didn´t enter the house which was, as I could see now, a huge three-story house in the line of many alike it. Instead, we got into the garage. There, she showed me her parents´ truck. It was almost same as mine, except there were no records (which I shall dearly miss) and no fridge or kitchen at all.

-Wait here.

 She went to the house and came back with two huge and full bags. One was filled with food; fruits, candies, chocolate, fishes in cans and ready-to-eat sandwiches. The other one had some clothing and shampoos.

 Before I knew it, we were in the truck. She asked me if I know how to drive and I nodded without thinking. If I said no, maybe she´d give up this nonsense and got out. Probably not. She would drive then. She turned on GPS.

-Where shall we go?

 I didn´t answer.

-I always wanted to visit Ireland. Go!

 And so we drove.

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Written by Arijana G. aka Anachronism on 27th of July, 2019