Night Visits

  {Sometimes we like someone very much, deeply, committedly, but that person doesn´t see us in that light. We must suffer enjoying in her presence while keeping our longing down in the same time. That´s Val´s situation. Until the girl she loves appears in her dreams... but are those really dreams? And is that really the person she thinks it is?}

Lilith was Adam´s first wife, cursed to become a demoness after she left Eden. In Hebrew, her name could literally be translated as "night monster" or "night hag". 

Lilith is also considered to be a succubus, a female sex demon who appears at night to seduce, usually, men. But who claims a succubus couldn´t seduce another woman, too?

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Modern illustration of Lilith

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We were playing truth or dare in Paul´s basement. Out of ten people, I knew only three; Sonia, friend who succeeded in bringing me out of my house den, her boyfriend, already named Paul, and black-haired girl I accidentally met in the library last week. I was quite sure she didn´t remember me, if she even saw me while I was sneaking between numberless bookshelves. I sat opposite her, so it was impossible to avoid looking at her. Pale skin, warm, bark brown eyes, ears with plenty piercings. Her bangs, unlike mine, were straight and neat. She had red polish on her nails. I observed her fingers overlapping while she played with crystals hanging from her long neck in a sort of hypnosis. White arm, no body hair, short plaid skirt, long black stockings. Plump body, similar to my own body shape, except I was quite skinny. My mind was coming out with a final thought. She´s...

 Paul snapped his fingers in front of my face, pulling me back to the real world, harshly. It was my turn to ask truth or dare. I had no idea who the girl I was asking was. I reluctantly detached my attention from the black-haired girl to the one I had to ask something. Not having a better idea, I dared her to kiss some guy. She kissed him, fast, without meaning it. Sonia, already very drunk, laughed, but nobody joined her, so she quieted down. It was no fun at all. Poor wall insulation let coldness reach us, so it felt as if we were outside in the snow. Freezing, I writhed wrapped in my hoodie. Everyone was lost in their own worlds, speculating with themselves in privacy of their minds. It was quiet. You could hear the wind blowing outside.

 "Would you mind coming with me upstairs?"

 I blinked, mistaking friendly voice for my own imagination. Black-haired girl came closer to me while I was drifting away. Her hand, unbelievingly warm, was laid on my cold fingers. She was wearing two rings, one with a pink gem and another with the symbol of eternity.

 "What-what do you mean?", I asked, confused what she was proposing.

 Slightly blushing, she straightened up, far surpassing me in height. "I need to go to the toilet. Others seem half dead", she looked around the room. Others were either lying on the floor or sitting with hooded heads and hands in their pockets, lost in unknown parallel dimensions. "I don´t like to go alone, even if we are in a house... Would you mind?"

 "Ehm... sure."

 She surprised me by taking my hand in hers and pulling me up. She smiled as if I granted her a great wish. We climbed the stairs to reach ground floor. Paul´s parents were absent on business trip, so we teenagers were free to party all night, albeit our party didn´t turn out as we planed. My companion easily found her way through corridor, even in the dark. Unlike me, she obviously visited this place before.

 I waited in front of the bathroom door, nervously banging the floor with my boots. My nervousness, always present, crossed boundaries of reason. I wondered whether I should ask black-haired girl to tell me her name. Or if I should annunciate my own, for that matter. 

 "You´re Val, right?"

 She outstripped me. Where did she find out what my name was? I concluded that Sonia must have told her. 

 "I´m Lilith." Simple as that, we introduced ourselves to each other. No ceremonialism, no hand-shaking. 

 "Very nice name", I said, meaning it.

 She smiled. Her teeth were even whiter than her skin. "Thank you. I was named after a Biblical character. My folks aren´t christians, but they thought that powerful name would bring me luck in life. Do you know who Lilith is?" I shrugged my shoulders. "She was Adam´s first wife you rarely hear about. She demanded equality. God drove her away from Heaven because of that."

 "Brutal", I commented, angry because I wanted to say something more, but didn´t know what. "Feminist. Nice."

 "Yep." She looked down the corridor. Flashlights came through the window and illuminated her face. Purple lipstick on full lips. I asked myself how would it be to kiss such lips. I never kissed anyone. Finding nice girls was hard, especially if you were also a girls and an introvert. But not even her lips attracted me as much as her voluminous hair. I wanted to run my hands through it and smell it. Bewitched and under the influence of alcohol, I almost reached to touch it, but then the light faded away and in the last moment I saw Lilith turn her head toward me. My arm fell down before the damage was made. 

 "Would you mind staying here with me a bit? It´s warmer. And it stinks of vine down there."

 Would I mind? "I don´t mind." I stopped minding anything as soon as she took me by the hand once again. We sat on the green velvet sofa in the living room. Lilith turned on a lamp. Light interflowed down her hips and thighs. I was on the edge of staring at her. In less that one hour she went from being a stranger to being a muse for me. I could´ve written a poem about her divine beauty, drunk and confused as I was. I imagined her posing for a painting representing a goddess.

 "I have more energy than is good for me", she said sitting beside me. Nonchalantly waving her hair (I smelled the sweet scent of flower shampoo), she lighted up a cigarette, offered me one and put little box in her purse after I said that I don´t smoke. "I smoke only when I9 m out, never at home. One box of cigarettes lasts me a decade."

 "I have insomnia", I said. She looked at me confusingly. I realized I stuck on her earlier sentence. "The energy. You said you have a lot of energy. Me too, so I have problems with sleeping... Sometimes I spend a week sleeping only four or so hours each night..."

 "Oh, dear, luckily I always sleep like a baby, but I´m intense while I´m awake." She let out a short laugh, brought cigarette to her mouth and blew out a cloud of smoke. 

 I noticed my feet were wet in my boots. I was feeling hot now, very hot, so I took off my hoodie.

 "I like your shirt", she said. "And the belt is nice, too."

 "Thanks", I tried a friendly smile, suddenly concerned about whether I look good or just lame like I felt. "Do you like Joy Division?", I asked, since their logo was on my shirt.

 "Not a fan, but they´re okay. Kind of depressing, don´t you think?"

 "Well, the lead singer was quite unstable. He killed himself."

 "Sad."

 "Yep."

  Silence. Wind.

 "You into crystals?", she turned to face me, removed hair from her chest and showed a purple crystal on her necklace.

 "Maybe. I like them, but I never understood what they are actually for."

 "This is amethyst. Every crystal is special. They help you with grounding, meditation, or just give you the necessary energy to accomplish something. You can work some magic with them. Ever tried?"

 "With candles", I admitted. "Not sure if I did it right..."

 "You just need to believe it and it will be right."

 "I like your crystal. It´s pretty."

 Friendly smile again. "Thanks, honey."

 Lying on my back, covered with heavy blankets, with my hands and feet cold nevertheless, I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom. Old window, although closed, didn´t stop scary noises from harassing me while I vainly tried to fall asleep. I breathed in and out, considering whether I should get up to go drink a glass of warm milk. It never helped, but it took me some time, shortening the strenuous, sleepless night. But it was cold out of blankets´ protection. 

 I compromised. I cocooned myself in blankets and walket out of my room by ants´ steps, small but fast. I drank my milk in the kitchen, careful to keep the noise down in order not to awake my parents who were soundly asleep in the room next door. I stayed there a bit longer, leaning against the kitchen table, allowing blood circulation to warm up my legs. 

 I returned to my bed, prepared to spend the rest of the night waiting for the morning. I already saw myself in my well-known zombie mood, hunting school and closing eyes during lessons whenever teacher couldn´t see. When you´re kid, you see all the cartoons in which characters fall asleep in class and you laugh, thinking it´s an exaggeration. You start going to school and it seems crazy that you could doze off under teacher´s predator eye. 

 Then you experience insomnia and you start falling asleep everywhere and at any time except at night, in your own bed.

 As my mind was running through this thoughts, something happened; magic, perhaps, and the thoughts turned to waterfalls which flowed right into dreamland. I dreamt my school, I even sniffed it´s recognizable odour. Chalk and ubiquitous dampness. Girls´ deodorant spreading through the whole building from dressing rooms, mixing with the smell of pizza which everyone bought for lunch in the bakery. Then that strong smell of acetone from chemistry department and dust essence from library... 

 Hair shampoo.

 Black-haired girl was standing in the library, between two shelves filled with books. I couldn´t remember her name. I should have, but I just couldn´t. She was very beautiful. Relaxed limbs, long hair falling down her neck, shoulders, framing her alluring breast, hips slightly oblique, long legs... 

 The image was blurry. I knew this to be a dream, falling asleep could never trick me into mixing it with reality, but I felt that this dream was somehow different. Something made it special and important. If I came closer to black-haired girl, I would feel her skin. For real. And I wanted to do it more than anything, but I was to scared to try. What if she ran away or thought me to be a creep? So I stood there, if I really was there (you can never know whether you really participate in a dream or are you just an observer) and waited. She never moved, except to incline her neck and change the position of her head. Her lips were purple like the last time I saw her, two weeks ago. I felt a sudden urge to look for her, to see her again, although I haven´t thought about her until this dream began. 

 Her body started to vanish. I got panicky and tried to use my lucid-dreaming abilities to keep her in place, but it was out of my control. She turned into a ghost, getting more and more transparent, until she wasn´t there at all.

 I woke up. It was morning.

 There were only two places in my town where teenage kids gathered. I´ve never been to the more popular, bigger one, a night club and coffee shop called Bikini. I preferred the other one, where most of the alternative or outsider gang gathered. It didn´t really have a name besides Club, but locals called it Bat because the owner was an old-style goth who always made cookies in the shape of little bats. A darling woman, really, she always allowed me to stay inside and study even if I didn´t have money to buy a drink. 

 It was freezing outside and I was dizzy from long sleepless nights, followed by endless school days. Friday evening. Could´ve stayed at home, watched Scooby Doo and get some rest. Except I couldn´t. I had to see her.

 It was gambling. She might have not been there. I called Sonia, wanted to mask my attempt to meet Lilith in a coincidence during a night with a friend, but my friend was sick with headache at home. So I went alone.

 It wasn´t only about that dream I had or the fact that I couldn´t beat an eye for more than a few seconds since then. Her face (lips, purple lips, hair, black, long hair, breast, her soft breast) haunted me. I needed to see her in reality, not only by stalking her Facebook profile. Now that I think about it, her presence worked like a drug on me. Seeing her, feeling her warmth coming to me was like a nice doze of ecstasy to an addict.

 I found an unoccupied table in the corner. It was always dark in the Bat, but little lamps on every desk produced enough light to draw or write. Now that I came, there were no available desks left. A group of friends was playing Monopoly at the biggest one, four men drinking beer occupied another one, a gang of punks connected a few smaller desks and a girl and a boy were making cigarettes at the smallest one.

 My muse was never to be seen.

 I stayed nevertheless. Group of kids looking older than the were entered and took over billiard table. The pair left, three girls came later and occupied their table. Another group of friends came, but left when they found out that there were no free tables. I took a book from my bag, poems by Sylvia Plath, and read. 

 It was 23:12 when she entered.

 Lilith was not alone. A girl was with her, short and plump, with flawless make-up on her face. They looked around for a free spot as I stared at Lilith´s body, her beautiful, beautiful body. Without noticing me, they were about to leave. I lifted my hand and called out, a brave move that drained all of the little amount of courage I had.

 Lilith turned, casting her hair from one side to another like a queen, and smiled at me. They came to my desk, asked if they could join me. Lilith introduced me to her friend, best friend, Karin. I was left alone with Lilith for five full, perfect and magic minutes, while Karin went to make an order. 

 "So, how are you?" 

 I didn´t answer straight away. I took my time to watch her as she took little, round mirror to check her make-up, fixed her already perfect bangs with delicate finger moves, smiled to check her pretty white teeth. 

 "Fine", I answered, picking formal expressions to hide my excitement. The last thing I wanted was to bore her. "How about you?"

 "Oh, well", she said, gathering her hands on the desk. She had blue polish on her nails. Dark like the night sky. "Could be better. Some drama happening in my life."

 "Really? What?" I wanted her to continue speaking.

 She rolled her eyeballs. "Ugh. Some guy. Actually, two guys." 

 My heart skipped a beat. "You have a... boyfriend?"

 "No", she laughed. Her eyes narrowed making her look cuter than ever. "I´m just having fun. Some people take it too seriously, know what I mean?"

 I tried a fake laugh and gave a nod. Something burned in my throat. Rage, disappointment. Questions never asked.

 "I´m..." I choose my words carefully, but still without success. Used to being honest, I could use truth as my only weapon. "I´m more into girls, I think... Doe not sure... yet..."

 "I´m experimenting, you know", said Lilith, barely giving notice to my opening up to her. "I´m still unsure what I like or not myself. But we´re young, right? Plenty of time in front of us!"

 I nodded again. Karin joined us, bringing two beers with her. I drank water. 

 We stayed there for another hour or so. I liked Karin, she was very self-confident and chill. But Lilith´s energy is what kept me there even when my eyes started closing from exertion. Her deep voice, her cheerful laugh. She included me in every conversation she and Karin started. She asked me for my opinion, complimented my look, my attitude, my comments. I was cold and she was soo warm. I wanted to touch her hair, grab her hand the way she grabbed mine in Paul´s house. Kiss her purple lips. 

 We went home half an hour after midnight. I waited for taxi on my own, progressing my feelings, digesting newly acquired struggles. I already missed her.

 I slept for five hours on a Friday night, dreamless, deep sleep. Next day, I fell asleep quickly once again. Blackness and nothing more. Perfect, my body was finally getting the rest it needed so desperately.

 Until it wasn´t.

 Purple lips, black hair, pale skin, soft skin. In the darkness she stood, barely moving, nor an inviting wave, nor a repealing swing. Short black skirt fluttered as if from the wind. Her hair was still. Long hair, black hair. Purple lips, soft skin. Lilith.

 I woke up tired.

 Sonia got well and called me over. She was having a party with a couple of friends while her parents were away from home. I was the first one to come. While we were preparing CDs with our favorite movies, I dared myself to outspeak about what´s been troubling me. 

 "Lilith?" Sonia lifted one eyebrow. "Gee, I don´t know, man. She´s all over the place. Doesn´t really like anyone, I gather, just playing around. I can see the two of you getting along well, you have similar interests."

 It seemed to me that she didn´t understand my intentions. "I really like her, Sonia. I´ve been a mess since that night in Paul´s house. I´ve seen her only once since then and she spoke about some guys..."

 She shrugged her shoulders. "She´ll be here tonight. Use your chance."

 "Yeah, but do I have a chance?" I was becoming desperate.

  The doorbell rang. Guests carrying snacks and alcoholic drinks came in, hugging Sonia, saying hello to me. Sonia came in last, right after Karin. She was the only one who gave me a hug. Her breasts pressed against mine, much smaller ones, her hair patted my face surprising me with a stunning smell of shampoo. I kept hold of her a moment too long, but she didn´t seem to mind it. 

 Me and Sonia arranged pillows on the floor in a circle. I was quick enough to take a place besides Lilith. She wasn´t dressed fancy this time. No one was. We wore hoodies and sweaters. But simple clothing didn´t take any of her divine beauty away. If anything, she looked even more like a Goddess. 

 "Where´s Paul?", Karin asked Sonia.

 "At home, probably playing video games." It was a girls night. I felt weird, this was my first  time having this kind of hang-out. 

 "You want some?", Lilith offered me chips.

 "No, my stomach hurts if I eat it."

 "Oh. Yeah, I usually avoid this kind of stuff. But I let myself go when I´m out or with friends."

 We talked, watched a movie, listened to music. Lilith had plenty musical recommendations. I disliked most of them, but pretended that they suited me. We got drunk and talked nonsense. Lilith laughed and rolled on the floor, her shirt lifted up, almost revealing her naked breast. I looked away, embarrassed because I wanted to do the exact opposite. Sonia came closer to me, hugged me and screamed how much I made her happy, how glad she was that I came, and I screamed with her and hug her back.

 We crushed after 2 A.M., dead tired. The floor was uncomfortable even with blankets and pillows making it softer. I was lying squeezed between Sonia and another girl. My eyes were directed towards the window, through which I could see stars.

 I thought I was in the middle of another dream. Dark silhouette, long hair, pale skin. Then I realized that this was no dream because this Lilith was real. She got up, carefully bypassed bodies on the floor, and went into the corridor. I waited for her to come back, tense, nervous. It seemed to me like she was absent for ages. When she finally returned, she didn´t go back in the circle to sleep. Instead, she came closer to the window, the exact one I was looking through. I had a perfect view of her body lightened by the moonlight. She lifted one hand and placed it on window. Her head lifted as she looked at the Moon, not full, but very bright. Her face was dark, but I saw it´s shape. Pronounced lips, long nose, eyelashes.

 I was in a process of making a tough decision; get up and go to her or stay there and do nothing. My heart was beating fast. I wanted to see her in the light, touch her, tell her how I´d love her much more than one of those guys she was playing around with!

 Prepared to get up, I leaned on my elbows. In the same moment, Lilith turned away from the window. In three steps, she was at her sleeping spot. I lost her silhouette under the blankets. I lyed back on the floor, frustrated and relieved at the same time. 

 I managed to grab a hold of sleep for a couple of hours, but Sonia and some friends woke up early and couldn´t keep it down, so we were all on our feet sooner that expected.

 "How did you sleep?", Karin asked me.

 "Not bad", I answered, but my look accidentally slid towards Lilith. She was drinking coffee without milk or sugar, looking stressed out with her hair all messy. 

 I sat next to her. "Are you okay? Have you had any sleep after waking up?"

 She looked at me in an upset way that worried me. "Waking up? How do you know I woke up?"

 I regretted mentioning it. "I saw you get up... I didn´t sleep at the time... You stood in front of a window for some time..."

 "Did I?" She was generally confused. I thought that she might be sleepwalking. "I don´t remember. Perhaps you dreamed it."

 "No, no, I´m sure it wasn´t a dream. Trust me, I know when I dream, I´m a lucid dreamer."

 Her look told me that she didn´t believe me. "Whatever, I don´t think that I got up." Her concern was shortly replaced by a smile. "Never mind that. Are you hungry? I´d like some breakfast. Will you look with me in the kitchen if there´s any fruit?"

 Of course I followed her. I never mentioned what I saw that night again.

 

 My next dream was more vivid than the ones before.

 I was not in a corridor this time. It was not complete darkness nor Sonia´s living room. It was my bedroom.

 It didn´t even feel like a dream. As if I never fell asleep, what I saw before the dream started continued, but in a misty, dizzy way. Furniture spread beyond it´s contours, walls started getting nearer, rambling before getting too close.

 And I was not alone.

 Lilith, or someone perfectly resembling her, was standing opposite of my bed. She was clinging to a wall and breathing heavily; I saw her chest going up and down. Her mouth was slightly open as she let out and took in deep breaths. Purple lips. Black hair. Pale, soft skin.

 I don´t recall seeing her coming to my bed, but at some point she moved from the wall to where I lay. She sat next to me. The impact was so real I felt indentation on the mattress when her weight pressed it. I was disabled from speaking to her or moving my body, though I knew that this was my best chance to touch her the way I wanted to. 

 She began to lean toward me. One of her arms was on each of my sides and her body was getting lower, close to being pressed against mine. The smell of shampoo in her hair. Lilith.

 It didn´t go farther than that. I woke up. There were drops of sweat on my forehead. 

 I called her out. 

 After moving cell phone from one hand to another while staring at the clock for a long time, I clicked "SEND" and it was done. I waited for her response. My eyes widened when an eye appeared under my message, sign that she had seen it. I got nervous, regretted sending it and was ready to accept refusal. Why would she go out with me anyway? Without counting my nightmarish dreams, we barely knew each other. A beauty and an interesting person like her must have plenty other friends to hang out with.

 "I´d love to go out!"

 Letters danced on my screen. Was this another vivid, realistic dream? I pinched myself, though that wouldn´t do the trick even if it was a dream. 

 Next two days I spent in an anxious expectation, in the same time filled with wonderful happiness and hope, but also fear and a feeling of wishing-time-would-stop. If the day we were supposed to meet never dawned, I could spend eternity living in the same exciting hopeful mood, thinking that I might have a chance after all, that Lilith might be playing around with some boys, but she won´t play around with me, nope, our relationship will be something more...

 (after all, she visited me in my dreams, and I doubt she visited those guys...)

 I spent an hour changing clothing, putting one dress one just to replace it with another, moving my hair from one side to another. Nothing seemed to be right, but I had to hurry up if I wanted to catch my bus. I risked with natural look, no make-up, hoping that she might find me pretty that way. 

 I stopped before approaching her. She was sitting on a bench, talking with an older woman who seemed to be her acquaintance. Sunshine was falling straight on her pretty face, white teeth, purple lips. I shook my head, awaking myself from the trance and headed towards them. The woman just left when I came to her. Lilith got up and hugged me. Her warmth passed to me and filled me with great admiration and love. I would worship her if she allowed me, I thought. I´d kneel in front of her and call her my Goddess. If I only knew whether I really had any chance.

 After supplying ourselves with candy from the local store, we situated in a park under a big oak tree which was beginning to make little buds where leaves were to grow in the spring. Me and Lilith talked, long and amply, about all kinds of things, finding out every next minute another interest we had in common. We shared funny stories about our cats, excitement and indecision while choosing colleges, recommended food recipes, praised nature and forest animals which we were both used to since we lived in a rural area. I had a lot of fun that day. No matter the wind, I felt warm, I, who was always cold and liked being cold, was overwhelmed with warmth coming from Lilith.

 In the end, I got to hug her once more, but her lips escaped my reach. I wasn´t brave enough to tell her what I felt for her. I was too scared of being hurt.

 She was in my bedroom again that night.

 The Moon was full, but the sky was cloudy, so it was very dark. Lilith sat next to me, breathing heavily, face hidden behind hair. In one quick move she changed her position. She sat on my abdomen, making me gasp for air. She bended towards me and put one finger on my lips, as if hushing me down. I smelled her saliva and felt her warmth, the same kind of energy which made me so happy earlier that day. Her face continued getting closer until her lips reached my cheek. She kissed me, gently, and sent chills down my spine. I tried to get up, wanted to kiss her back, but her strong hands stopped me. 

 Lilith wave her hair back and revealed her neck which was naked all the way to her breast. She was wearing a night gown, black and short, more appropriate for summer evening than the cold winter night. Her eyes sparkled with magical mystery. They were green, not brown.

 That´s when I figured out that this was no dream, and I started questioning whether the girl sitting on me was the one I wanted her to be. As soon as this thought crossed my mind, Lilith´s face changed. Her determination was replaced by hesitation. The warmth which always followed her weakened to the point where my body took the part of the warmer one. Her hands trembled and she started pulling them back.

 "No", I thought, for I couldn´t speak up, "Lilith, don´t go! Please stay! Please, just lay beside me and stay here!"

 Her face twitched, surprised. Then she smiled.

 She did as I asked and lay beside me, once again warm and perfect. I snuggled near her and put my hand over her waist. What I felt was the closest thing to the absolute happiness since I was a toddler celebrating birthday. 

 She was gone in the morning.

 

 Spring break had arrived and Sonia called me to go on a full-night (her words) out with her friends. It meant arriving in Bat around eight P.M. and staying until the first morning bus which headed off in 5 A.M.. Except if you got sick. Then your wallet suffered in order to pay for the taxi.

 Her whole group of friends was there, most people I already met. Lilith was there, too. I saw her a few times since our meeting. We talked, laughed, played games during the day in the Bat, but that was all. I still considered her the closest thing to a Goddess or a fairy that I´ve ever found. I was still in love with her.

 But there was also another Lilith, the exact copy of this one, which visited me almost every night, slept next to me, caressed me and made me feel magical each morning. I knew now that she was no dream, but I also knew that the Lilith playing billiards had nothing to do with her twin who came to be my lover. 

 I drank. Everyone did. We danced and laughed. We left the club and occupied an empty park. I was on a teeter with Sonia when other members of our group let out a common sigh. I helped Sonia get down from the teeter chair. We approached our friends, all crammed around swings. We pushed through their bodies to see what amazed them so much.

 It was Lilith.

 She was sitting on a swing.

 On a guy.

 And kissing him. Long, French kiss. They stopped only for one moment to take a breath, then continued, not giving their audience any notice.

 I felt dizzy and sick. Suddenly, all the fun I had went to nothing. Sonia remained in the group, near Paul, probably considering whether the two of them should follow suit of the pair on a swing.

 I threw up in a bush, a few meters away from the park. Everyone was drunker than me, they wouldn´t notice if I simply disappeared. I walked and waked, already sober, but not feeling any better, with the picture of Lilith´s tongue penetrating into that guy´s mouth. I was disgusted, I felt dirty as if I partake in their vulgar deed. But haven´t I? I was endlessly in love with Lilith and spent every night with some version of her. Her lips kissed mine before they kissed the anonymous guy. Purple lips, black hair. Soft skin, pale skin. Even if the person visiting me wasn´t completely Lilith, didn´t a part of me remain with here, therefore including me in the kiss occurring right now? Didn´t a part of her live inside of me?

 I came home at 5:30 A.M.. No sleep.

Lilith´s relationship with the guy she kissed so eagerly that night didn´t last. They´d still tangle from night out to another night out, from weekend to weekend, but didn´t consider themselves to be a couple. Lilith told us girls that she didn´t really like him, but she wanted to have some fun. Some fun. It rang in my ears, painfully reminding me that she´d never have that kind of fun with me.

 I never stopped liking her. Her hair, attitude, her voice, it still filled me with respect and longing, but I accepted that she´d never see me as anything else but a cute, fun friend. A great friend, even, because we continued hanging out on our own and spent a lot of time together, but always remaining simple friends. I never admitted my feelings to her. Everyone else knew that I used to be interested in her. Perhaps she knew too, but never showed it, or she refused to remark it. Luckily, it didn´t stop us from becoming close friends. 

 Besides, I got what I wanted.

 I spent time with her, enjoyed her presence, fed on her energy. And then, when night fell, she´d come to me. Lilith or a ghost with the appearance of my Goddess, a demoness who used me as I used her. Whatever she was, she was there, always, loyal and loving. 

 A Lilith just for me.

THE END

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Written by Arijana G. aka Anachronism in August 2021